super tired..jus came back fr e friendli match...went out with eryan,debra,kristin,kj,daisy to lot.1 to hv lunch...then went to arcade n slack around...
we lost again...guys lost 36-40 n we lost 27-29...though overall every1 did well...i suck again as usual...kns...i played like shit todae..n i realli hate miself at tt pt of time so much...jus can't concentrate on court well...i m losin mi concentration on e court...can't figure out wat exactli do i wan now on court...feel like an extra in e middle of a show tts being filmed...jus a passerby..jus tt i m doin more than a passerby..i missed balls tt i shouldn't miss...miss shots tt i can't believe tt i actualli took...passin gettin suckier n suckier...vision gettin smaller n suckier...i can't pass as n when i wan anymore...e onli thing i koe now is pass to e plp beside mi..but aft tt i no nth le...don koe wats wrong with mi recentli...thought e friendli match will wake miself up..but obviousli aft e unity's game its not helpin at all..i m still as screwed as ever...seems like e more i wanna do sth...e harder it is to get...
wonderin if it's due to e fact tt over e past few weeks i've been troublin over e fact of "wtf m i doin here in e bball team..don seem to belong here" issue tt i don seem to be able to concentrate on court anymore...at least in e past...there's still plp like mitch to support mi n scold mi n wake mi up...but now...i jus feel damn loser for causin us to lose...mi losuy maths tells mi tt if i hadn't miss all e layups n shots tt i've made..i could hv at least took down another 10-20 pts for e team...wth la..imagine tts like how many shots tt i've missed...damn sad...haizz..
overall i m jus jus so disappointed with mi own performance...eventhough coach scolded mi like mad...all i felt was disappointment n anger towards miself...SUCKS....

4:04 PM

now i m e sinner in e whole world...
e bloody bitch tt every1 hates...didn't koe i suck so much...
i hate this feelin...
hate everything

1:31 AM

phew...jus finished e game lo..like finalli don feel so nervous since e game is over...was so scared for e past few daes n esp. this mornin b4 we played lo..haizzz...so loser rite..haha..but no choice...went to unity earli in e mornin with e gurls for our friendli...but realise we cannot play e indoor court as planned..*disappointed* so we went to e outdoor court n started doin some warm ups..then coach made use of e little time we hv in hand n taught us on e spot some full court press n made us do some fast breaks...then quite humiliatin cos e unity gurls started to sit along e court n jeer at us....they laughed at us lo..wth...haha...aft e warm up..every1 seem rather worried n scared...so coach tried to reduce it by comfortin us...she actualli told us not to be worried since we r older than them lo...haha
1st quarter started...but i screwed up e 1st few mins. feel so screwed la..haizzz...whole atmosphere was off...every1 seem to be so scared of unity tt they r playin more badli than usual trainin...but luckili everythin was over when kj made her 1st 3 pt shot...eventhough b4 tt we were also scorin n even on par with them...but her 3 pt shot realli make a diff for us n made booast our morale...haha...thank god eryan made a good decision n passed out to her..haha...aft tt e match progressed quite smoothli....eventhough we nv lead in e match throughout e game...but we manage to keep veri closely behind them...towards e end of 3rd quarter we were even at a close margin of 3 pts...haha...but maybe guess we were too happi n started slackin off in e last quarter...haizzz...yup...then we lost to them by 11 pts in e end...23-34...tts how e 1st game ended...yup...coach didn't comment much by she still said tt for our team as a 1st game...this is not bad le..
however personalli..i think i suck todae..haha..played badli in e 1st quarter...sucks...n i didn't score as much as i expected of miself...missed mi free throw in e beginnin when i got foul in...so angry..haizz...eventhough intercepted a few balls cos i guess they look down on mi...haha...but haizz..at least still a bit comfortin lo...then...MISSED pass quite a few balls when passin to e centres..don koe y..jus can't coordinate with them....i mus la...haizzz..oh no...mus learn mus learn..haha...mus coordinate with them...lookin forward to next tues..but think i will be scared as usual..haha...
jus had a serious conversation with selina n angela...spit out watever i hv felt for e past few months...however i told her tt its over..haha..cos i feel different now...mi goal now is to increase mi shootin percentage n make better passes...
todaes guys game was so nice in e beginnin cos e stupid andrew made amazin assists n inteceptions...eventhough they still lost in e end...61-44 but they played well compared to e paya lebar game....chingyu was playin against this no.20 hus a head taller than him but he managed to blocked him out..he reali played well...yucheng also did...can c how hard they fight under e basket for e rebounds even though his so skinny..haha...of course every1 else were equalli good...though leonard freaked out...but guess he'll learn n be better...kaden scored a nice shot n brock does nice centre moves...watchin them play makes mi so jealous of themm..all so tall...
missed him..

10:33 PM

had trainin again this aftnoon..but unfortunateli didn't do much cos it was rainin througout e whole trainin...so borin...did alot of physical trainin n coach made us do dribblin n defence so tt we r mroe prepared for thurs's game...so so hope tt it will work...still missin of 3 plp for trainin todae..all overseas...so thurs. we will onli hv these few plp n at e most nerissa hus most likely comin back on wed...then coach manualli taught us e full court press n roughly how to break it..but then...practical n theory is so different lo...so we r comin down again tml to try it out lo...but whether it works anot is another thing...haizzz...
gettin quite panicky these few daes...like knowin tt thurs. is comin soon...i start to think more n more abt e game....haizzzz....its like lao mao bing tt i always get so panicky few daes b4 e game...hope it wun be like tt on tt dae...but...haizzz..how not to...stupid brock told mi tt dae tt e unity gurls hv a centre tts around e same height as him...tts so like another rebecca lo...omg...how can i not imagine wats gonna happen next...haizzz...feel damn screwed la...then i m so worried tt i wun be able to score for e team...though i m not as impt la...but then i jus hope i will be able to contribute to e team instead of screwin up e game lo...sucks la....we r playin indoor court somemore leh...i m jus gonna feel so screwed lo...haizzz...some1 out there....ze me ban...haizzz...
n..sorrie boi...we'll talk abt it aft mi game k...

10:04 PM

so tirin..finalli e weekend is here again...mi last weekend was taken away by e cip...was meant to be quite fun...but...haizz...turned out to be some fund raisin thing as they r not prepared enough for other jobs to be available...so...yeah!!! haha...
had trainin again this mornin....came in e mornin n went to fill e water...then we started runnin 4 rounds when every1 came...plp gettin lesser n lesser..nerissa went overseas (to egpyt leh...so jealous), deborah n joyce has sup. paper to study this few daes...next week..grace n angel will be goin off as well...then we'll be left with even lesser plp...haizzz...so...coach gave us an off dae on mon. let us rest even though it might mean sth...haha...but then better than nth...our 1st friendli match is approachin nearer n nearer...next thurs to be exact...quite worried though...worried abt how our team is gonna manage to match tt dae...worried tt i'll screwed up e game on tt dae...haizzz...no wonder i hv more n more white hair..haha...but...maybe next thurs will be e time for us to c where we stand...maybe not them...but at least...ever since aft e tournament...i've not been playin in any game...so...part of mi actualli looks forward to e game...
anyway durin trainin todae...could actualli manage e 4 rounds finalli...since aft such a long period of restin...realised mi stamina has been gettin fr bad to worst...but this few weeks of trainin is realli workin quite well...then did e shootin...quite disappointed with miself though...e results was quite sucki...so realli hope it wun be e case durin e game...but i wun rush into it i guess...realised tt rushin into things onli makes things worst...aft e shootin..did some drills n coach taught us e screen n roll...haha...but most of us screwed up...finalli jus when we thought trainin was over...we were asked to run suicide run..haha...e guys did 1st followed by us...but...haizzz...mi results r still stagnant...35 secs..suckssssss....i mus beat those hu r faster than mi....haha...mi goal of e holidae...tt is...mus run faster n faster...stamina mus increased...n mi shootin of course...
was talkin to kj this mornin...made a bargain with her...she will be e controller for half of e game n i'll be for e other half...pls kj...haha...lets take turns...
singapore idol showin later...go slp 1st..haha...

7:01 PM

had trainin this mornin...did alot of passins as usual...but todae coach took out some time for us...taught us some defence footwork n dribblin...
havin mixed feelins now...maybe i hv been too anxious in e beginnin...maybe i jus haven interact with them enough...maybe shifu is rite...i need a break...thought abt it e whole dae...supposed to go for cip with angela, kj n selina...but in e end decided to back out...don realli koe how to face them now...n worst tml's trainin...hv been tryin to recall how mitch treats us...haha...but realise i don remember anythin anymore...quite sucky...but maybe i m jus too anxious abt e progress of e trainin...i guess i've not been able to differentiate btw mi last yr's team n e new team...i don koe...i koe theres no xcuses to wats been done...n i often decipher alot into 1s actions n attitude...so i realli don koe wat i should do next...
talked to shifu this aftnoon...then took a break n slack ard in e nite...feelin more peaceful now...but then i still don koe wat to do tml...how m i goin to face them tml...

10:26 PM

i realli realli think i m gettin better n better at actin...ha-ha....can't believe i can be such a good faker too...
she sucks...
i realli believe tt a human has 2 sides of himself/herself...e inner them n e fake them...if e person is evil in nature...then e person is -ve n -ve...but this is not maths...he wun turn +ve...he will forever be a -ve....
n i think shes such a good actor...she deserves e best female actress award....good at sayin things...n good at actions too...jus tt her actions SUCKSSSSSSS...
reallli hate her...how can she do this...
eventhough to now...it no longer matters....but i still hate her...i despise her actions...

11:57 PM

jus had a super long dae...
had cip since e mornin till now..
went to collect newspaper this mornin n afternoon...though not e whole team went...but at least e atmospshere wasn't veri awkward as i expected...angela, kaijuan, deborah, nerissa, joyce, kaden, leonard, andrew n aidan appeared...so tirin...but quite fun though..
met some funni incidents..pass by this malay family where they breed cats...but its so scary..i got a shock fr tt family...but..pass by several families with dogs as well...so scary too..eventhough think they r supposed to be quite cute....in btw e cip..went to joyce's house to take a break...alot of us..started slackin there...we even on mvp lover to watch..haha..damn nice..yan xing shu is damn good..
but everytime we wanna take a break n try to slack under some blks...some residents will come up to us n request to go to their flats to collect e newspapers..haha...so overall it turned out to be so tirin...
later in e evenin..we went to town for e next cip...not as fun as i thought...n i can c tt most of them r quite unhappi with e cip since there was onli 2 positions left to choose...either fund raisers or park security..incidentalli..most of us got into fund raisers except some of e guys..quite sick la...c them so sian...like make mi feel so guilty to hv ask them to come...like as if i m e criminal lo....but anyway..we divided into 3 gps for those fund rasiers n went round raisin fund...mi, kaijuan, kristin, daisy, eryan, debra n selina were in 1 gp...e all gurls gp...actualli was quite bad for us as we went for dinner b4 we start e fund raisin..haha..all of us went to eat dinner..n e park security: yantong n melvin came to join us..haha..then we started to tease melvin n eryan..quite fun to tease her though i don koe him...haha...surprisingly aft our dinner..we went back to do e fund raisin...still thought every1 will be too tired to do..haha..but we managed to rid off all e bookmarks on hand..in e end still had to go back to e main to get more bookmarks...haha...quite proud of ourselves la...eventhough it was qutie tirin...then we were laughin on e streets abt plp passin by..abt ourselves n abt eryan..haha..i still think shes a veri funni gurl...but nice though...quite different fr mi 1st impression of her...
haha...

11:38 PM

u r a big fat liar!! wat swear tt u wun do this to ur friend...HA!!!! mi ass...doin exactly wat u say u wun do...wat an ass...i m not as pure n innocent as u r...sorrie...i can't act....go on...say sth n do another....F**KER...i HATE U...
if u didn't say tt at least i'll pretend nth happened...but wat u say its jus so freakin sickenin..!!! SICKENIN !!!!! since u wan tt so much...then go ahead...go ahead n do sth but say another...promise this in front of ur friend but behind them do another...i mus hv been blind to trust u n tell u abt it...too think i thought u were mi friend...

*BLINDED*FOOLED*STUPID*

1:25 PM

damn tirin...came back fr trainin since e aftnoon...wanted to fall asleep but then seems like e pain is keepin mi awake...haha...
aches n pain all over men...dyin soon..
but i ate this korea instant noodles...so delicious...maybe cos too full le..couldn't fall asleep...
so aft rollin abt e bed since e aftnoon till now..decided to come blog around..
got scolded by coach this mornin aft e trainin...shes so disappointed with us...shout at us until she's havin sore throat now...haizz...bad mood alreadi still hv to get scolded...looks like i m realli havin bad luck recentli...
then supposed to go for khai's bbq on sat. but now..plan changed again...aft e newspaper thingy..still got to go to e funfair 1...though i've been lookin forward to it..but then it jus turns mi off when i koe tt i can't attend e bbq...sucks!!!!
luckily i met khai jus now..he say might hv to change e dae for e bbq...so hope tt there will be changes lo...
knew i'll get scolded by them todae...!! as expected...they grumbled at mi...WATEVER...!!!! i suck wat...u all don koe meh..too bad lo...I M NASTY...i like to irritate plp ma..cannot izt...not happi KILL MI lo...

6:34 PM

SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE IT WHEN I HV TO USE MI BRAIN CELLS TO THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
N THEY SUCK COS THEY MADE MI DO TT...i m serious..they succks...

its always like tt...jus when i try to get mi comporsure back....some1 tries to destroys it..n everytime i return back to sch...sth happens...either this or tt...nth seems to be successful...i can't stand it...
y is e A levels takin such a long time...!!! mitch!!! i wanna talk to u!!!!!

10:45 PM

tired...had trainin this mornin...stamina is like shit now...damn sad...can't believe mi stamina is so sucki now...got so tired aft e 4 rounds...like wth...started trainin at 8...did all e footwork & the basics tt we need most...was quite tirin...but can c all e effort every1 is puttin in...feel so proud of them...at least they r willin to put in effort for performance... :)
then did some fast break...fr nth to sth...tts wat i c todae...eventhough passin is still not as perfect as required...but at least all of us improved fr don koe how to play bball to knowin e basics of bball...layups n shootins...though not as good as those experienced players fr other schs...but at least its far better than i 1st met them...they realli impressed mi...these goes to show tt their hardwork is being rewarded...i believe we can do better n go further if we work harder...we may be a team tt has lack of experience n good players...but i guess we hv a team of players hu r willin to work hard..so as long as they don give up...nth can stop them fr progressin...

back to mi life...
its gettin more n more dull..haha...nth to say...i learnt sth aft tt dae...tt i realise no1 is every true or real to u...when facin another person they will protect themselves by wearin a mask hidin their real face...they will nv be sincere to u...cos they wanna protect their own interest...i guess i m 1 of these plp also...selfish n self-centered...wonder ever since when...i start to lose trust in e plp around mi...i don koe whether they r sincerli nice to u or they r jus gonna stab u in e back 1 of e daes...its gettin so freaky n scary...betrayal...friends...faker...they seem so closeli linked now...y do we hv to be like this...is there any significance to this when god created us...i onli remembered tt i once heard tt adams n eve created humans to hv a peacful & lovin world...but y do i nto feel peacful at all...y....

10:53 PM

so bored...!!!
haven been goin out for these few daes...but sometimes stayin around at home is not a bad idea after all...
finalli cleared e promos..but feel so weird all of a sudden...feel like nth is rite at e moment...like nth is goin e rite track...
haizzz...
i need sth to divert mi attn...but bball doesn't seem to be e 1 in mi mind...sucksss...i don koe wats botherin mi so much...nth seems to be good enough now...
stuck..i m stucked in e middle of a crossroad...

11:40 PM

out of place...

11:40 PM